Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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