I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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