I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.