dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.