I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties