He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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