Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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