Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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