I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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