after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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