So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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