We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
