Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
