I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
