Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
