I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
