Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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