Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just puked most of my soul out..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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