you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
