how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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