non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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