i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
