Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
