I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
