My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
