can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
