They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
