the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
