I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
