he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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