i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
