After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
