i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
