so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
