it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
