I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
