She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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