its not stalking. its research.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
