so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And my parents said I crawled through the house
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
