Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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