I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
