and you said cock pushups were impossible
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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