We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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