So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
