omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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