you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
