if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
