U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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