She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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