If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i will never coherently bang her
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
