Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
