its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
