So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
His hands were made for my vagina.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
