i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
