i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
