I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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