is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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