went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
