My nipple is on Facebook.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
