everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
