Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
