I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
