The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
