just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
that's an acceptable place to lick
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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