I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.