Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference