I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize