I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.