I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.