My underwear smells like fireworks.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
