I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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